It's kinda hard dealing with sadness, especially when you feel physically weak, then you got two issues to deal with, sadness and weakness. The two of them combined are devastating. Especially when you repeat to yourself over and over again that it won't always be like that, yet you don't see any significant change, it's hard- Then you start wishing things were different, and start waiting for something that will turn your life around 180 degrees.
Countless times I've tried to make things different just to see if they turn out the way I want, to say it was worth the struggle, but everything remains the same.
In the end, I got no other choice than to keep living, but even living becomes a burden, like life was just a bunch of meaningless things that happen just because and without a purpose whatsoever.
Yeah it sucks. Just venting a little here...

I finished reading Memoirs of a Geisha a few days ago, and I can't but say I'm impressed. I had seen the movie already but reading the book was a whole different story, I could not but feel closely related with little Chiyo (the main character) and her struggle to find her real purpose in life. There were many small and lovely details here and there that made the reading a fantastic one...

There's one statement though, that strongly caught my attention more than the others: Sayuri (Chiyo's other name) always knew she had a lot of water in her personality (people always took care of letting her know this), that way, she used to say, she was able to mold herself to any situation she faced in her life, just like water follows any course regardless how difficult it might seem.
I must quote a line from the movie here, for it explains better what I'm trying to say: "Water can carve its way even through stone, and when trapped, water makes a new path". I heard this and I was shocked, cause it was such a powerful statement...

I wish I was like water.

Yes, I'm hopeful again. They say hope is the last thing to lose, and it's completely true. When you thought everything could not be worse, you get an extra push from something you can't figure out, that's hope telling you to go on. And if you do go on and believe everything is going to be fine, it ends up being that way.

I'm grateful for being a little bit happy. Since happiness is one of those rare things that don't last much I try to savour it as much as I can because I'm not sure when it will go away and when I'll have the chance to have it.

I'm happy. But I'm patient and hopeful at the same time.

Values are the buoys we place over the sea of intentions. We all dare to think about things that could harm others, but we stop at that point, so thoughts remain thoughts. We who believe that we are good because we have decided to be so leave the harmful thoughts untouched. Those who dare to go further become bad persons. It all starts with intentions. We may do harm unintentionally, but there are others who do it because they've learned to live that way, and, as pathetic as it may seem, it's the way they have decided to live their life.

In the vast sea of intentions we place buoys, we can see what is beyond them, that is the deeper waters; we see them but we do not go there, because that's why we place those buoys, to realize we needn't take that path. Those buoys are values and convictions, you can go pass them, some do, some of us don't. And that's the way we live our life.